That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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