Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
