as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
