My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
