Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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