My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
