My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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