Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
