i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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