Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
