i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Semen is not good for contacts.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
