god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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