Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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