laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
