A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
