Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
