So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
