I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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