dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This baby is an asshole
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
