How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
