I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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