you didnt know i had herpes?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
