dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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