i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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