I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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