I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
3pm strippers are depressing
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
