so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
