She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So many bounce houses so little time
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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