I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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