Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
