this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
