Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
