never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
