i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
