Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
