we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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