I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
