Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
