Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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