I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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