Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
