I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
