dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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