yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
