She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
