Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
