Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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