If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
