Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize