it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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